If I Weren’t On Birth Control, I Would Think I Was Pregnant

Work finally broke me.

I’m two years and two months into this residency thing. And, thus far, I’d say I’ve been pretty good about getting in some “regular life” stuff despite terrible work hours.

Every so often during intern year, I would become overcome by intern year exhaustion and have to take a complete rest day secluded in my bed. In fact, during my vacation at the end of intern year, I slept for an impressive 20 out of 24 hours. I think I could’ve out slept a newborn baby that day.

Today is similar.

I have been on call (i.e. working) every weekend except for one since July 4th weekend. That plus the 2nd week of BGYN (Bellevue Gynecology for those not familiar with the NYU residency acronyms, which is only 29 or so people) has worn me out. I cannot move from this bed. If I wasn’t on birth control, I would be wondering if I was pregnant.

Is that TMI for the internet? Revealing you’re on birth control? Whatever. Gynecologist for contraception! Don’t be whack – contracept!

I mean, unless you are trying to get pregnant, of course.

Since my entry into this world 29 years ago, I’ve suffered from a terrible disease called “afraid of rest,” which I have talked about before on this blog. Apparently, napping wasn’t my jam as an infant (like many) and my mom wasn’t sure why I was so wide eyed and ready to go all the time. Or why I acted like their was something wrong with napping and resting.

I was planning on sleeping some today then getting up to run then doing some work…but all I can do is lie here in and out of sleep. The thought of even getting my nails done is exhausting (this sounds so spoiled, I know). Even TV. TV sounds like too much concentration.

Anyways, despite feeling like I could fall asleep, again, at this very moment, I feel an extreme guilt for not going outside to enjoy the sun, going for a run, or even just doing anything bedsides writing to the world my neuroses regarding doing nothing.

[Who needs a therapist when you have the internet!]

Residency gives you a warped sense of normal work hours. I will end up working 36 hours this weekend. On top of, I don’t know, 48-50 for Monday thru Thursday.

Maybe there is a reason I am so tired.

I think I may go back to sleep…

Until next time…

Daily coffee tally: not nearly enough


One thought on “If I Weren’t On Birth Control, I Would Think I Was Pregnant

  1. Not quite like a resident schedule (much fewer working hours), but when I worked nights, I definitely had days when I didn’t get out of a bed. I once slept until 5pm (which is nuts) because I was supposed to go back to work that night, but I got the night off. The Chicago Bears were playing, so I stayed in bed and watched the game – then went back to sleep that night. EXHAUSTION. And I think it’s totally fine to just go with it sometimes.

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