The camp I went to in the summers as a kid (the best camp ever, Camp Illahee, send your daughters!) had a song that went like this:
Happiness runs in a circular motion,
Flutters like a little bird upon the sea,
Everybody is a part of everything anyways,
You can be happy if you let yourself be.
Happiness runs, Happiness runs.
[repeat all but the last line, sung in a round] <– vitally important part
Or, at least, that is how the camp lyrics went (I think sometimes camp changes the lyrics to some songs).
It popped into my head when I was track partying yesterday and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head since.
It’s nice. Simple. I just like it. And thought I would share it with you all.
I think the song sort of describes my attitude towards training right now. I really like training. It is [mostly] fun. But, weirdly, for the first time in my [short] running life, I don’t have some strict time goal that is motivating me. That 3:35 marathon. The BQ. That 1:45 half. I’m motivated to work hard, but I don’t really care about the outcome. And, that is a really strange feeling for me. I used to perseverate on the what the outcome might be — would I make my desired time or miss it?
Strangely, getting a “BQ” used to mean so much to me and now it…doesn’t. I don’t know why. I guess I just figure if it happens, it will be great and, if it doesn’t, my life goes on just the same. So, there is no reason to get worked up about it anymore.
I feel sort of bad not wanting “it” so badly like other people do. Like I’m a less motivated runner or wouldn’t deserve it as much should I ever get that elusive time.
I guess I just find it fun to keep trying at this running thing, no matter what the outcome is. Or maybe I’ll get more motivated by time as the year moves along. It is only January, after all.
One more thing. If you’re ever wondering what I’m doing with my free time, it is watching gymnastics on gymnastike and youtube.
And, I became really motivated to make mental toughness “my thing.”
I think every athlete likes to think they have “their thing” – their secret weapon, ace in the hole, strength, forte, etc.
At the root of this is, I think, control. There will be times in the coming months where I can’t control how much time I can train, how much cross training I can do, how much sleep I can get, etc. But, I can control how I think about it. And, that’s what I’m going to try to do.
But, really, I think this is all just the match anxiety talking — not caring about an outcome and controlling one’s thoughts?
Either sport really is a microcosm of life or I’m channeling all of my match day thoughts towards my running.
TELL ME: YOUR FAVORITE SPORT OTHER THAN RUNNING?
Mine, obviously, is gymnastics with tennis a close second.
I also realize that none of my posts lately are particularly well written or eloquent. I apologize. They are more streams of consciousness than anything.
Until next time…