So, if you’re still reading this, you’re probably wondering why on earth I made my blog private for around 12 hours (including going through the list compiled months ago and “inviting” those who asked for it – sorry to spam your inbox now), then reneged on the decision?
It seems I had a paroxysm of adolescent behavior when you think all of the world cares about you.
To keep it brief, on Monday, I found out a didn’t get a residency interview at a place I really wanted to interview at. Don’t worry, I spent about 9 miles scouring my brain for anything I did “wrong.”
For some reason, I always think my running, this blog, and my desire to sleep 7 hours per night (ok, 8 for me, usually) is my “doctorly downfall” – what will keep me from being a good physician and why a residency program wouldn’t want me.
So, of course, upon said rejection, I freaked out and decided I should become a medical student monk – all work, no play, no running, no blog, only scholarly activities.
I then realized that 1) my personal statement has a running theme to it so that cat’s out of the bag for any program and 2) my “extra-curricular” activities, so to speak, help keep me sane and, in turn, perform better as a student. I’ve always performed better in school when I’ve pursued an athletic endeavor and/or done other things (babysitting, tutoring, etc).
Plus, the private blog thing was becoming way too labor intensive for my liking. Too many emails from wordpress blowing up my inbox.
So, unless I get an email from a program director telling me how they didn’t like my blog and that is why they weren’t giving me an interview, I’m keeping it up and public.
Plus, I doubt a program director (a practicing physician and in academic medicine) has the time to take to find this blog.
See, egocentric mindset consistent with adolescent behavior!
One good thing stemming from the residency program interview rejection was that any marathon or running related anxiety quickly faded as the “oh my word, I’m never going to match anywhere!!!” anxiety was driven to the forefront of, well, basically all of my thoughts.
Is there a Believe I Am journal for medical school?!? [but, seriously…]
Running became really therapeutic this week, an outlet and, better yet, source of control when it seemed I was losing control in my school life (the residency application process is a lot about giving up control and embracing uncertainty).
Then, you realize how menial your “problems” (really, Meggie, not getting one interview is going to send you into orbit?) are when you meet a 40-something patient who found a breast lump that ended up being metastatic cancer or read about these pro runner “contracts” that seem anxiety-provoking and rather unfair (I think they should dole those contracts out with a SSRI [anxiety med] stipend). My level of uncertainty pales in comparison to that of a professional runner whose contract seems basically aimed at trying to give them the least amount of money possible.
So, to end this disjointed post – thanks for sticking around through my fickle “should I make my blog private?” episode.
TELL ME: KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE RESIDENCY APPLICATION PROCESS? WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT? DON’T CARE/TOO BORING? EVER TAKE A REJECTION PRETTY HARD?
Until next time…