Real Runners of Genius

Real Runner of Genius – definitely words to describe my race today…or not so much.

First, lots of game time decisions today – headband vs no headband, garmin vs no garmin, all-in-almond vs nutless wonder vs lauren’s mega nuts pre-race? I went with no headband (mistake, the headband is good luck) and the garmin. I’m not sure how I still feel about racing with the garmin, but kind of glad I did today as mile-1-Meggie vs mile-10-Meggie were two very different people, as evidenced by:

Mile 1 - 8:04, mile 10 - 9:04. I think that's not good.

I had a fabulous discussion with the RC on Friday about how I needed to practice negative splitting as that’s how I want to run the marathon. I said I’d start out around marathon pace (if a 3:35 marathon, then 8:12) and work down from there.

FAIL AND FAIL.

I’d be hanging out at a tennis tournament all weekend, which by the way, its so much more nerve-wracking watching my brother play than playing myself. I wore myself out mentally playing every point and whispering “cmon cmon cmon or up up up or move move move” under my breath.

Anyways, yes, at a tennis tournament, screaming is the norm. And, after about mile 5, I wanted to just stop and scream just as I would after blowing a sitter (short ball, put-away) at deuce or something like that. Most likely, I would’ve screamed “WHY?!?” which is screaming shorthand for “Why are you so stupid sometimes?!?” I wasn’t feeling awful by mile 5, but I could kind of see that a turn-around wasn’t coming…

Marat yelling. Ahh, Marat - I miss you. But, this is what I wanted to do - scream.

If you had talked to me during mile 1 or 2, when I saw I was running faster than MP, I would’ve told you, “Shut up – I feel fine! This is great! I am awesome. Plus 8:04 is like the same as 8:12, same thing.” I’m pretty sure its not, but I’ll let you be the judge of that.

However, if you had talked to me around miles 8-10, I would’ve told you, “Why do I sweat more than the average individual and my clothes are now 5 lbs? Why does 12 miles seem really far right now? Who tied a baby elephant to my back and is making me drag it?”

This is what I felt like, although probably a bit more cumbersome as this looks like an agile elephant. I did not feel agile nor was I smiling, like this elephant.

So, yes, I finished and got a long run in while in New Haven, which I wouldn’t have done otherwise for fear of getting lost or being killed.

Now, I could let this race be a huge confidence blow and tell myself I am terrible, I should pull out of the marathon when I suffered through less than half the marathon distance, I’m clearly not cut out for running, and that, if I run NYC 26.2, my goal is probably unattainable. I’m not going to lie, I had to wear my joy shirt because I thought I couldn’t be in a bad mood if I’m wearing a shirt that says “joy” on it to keep myself from getting upset.

I’ll tell you why I’m not going to let today get to me.

• It was a good learning experience: In some sick way, I was kind of glad I did this to myself. It showed me that no matter how great you feel at the beginning of a long race, you have to stick to your plan.
• I got stronger from it: This post-race soreness has to be good for something, right? Isn’t this going to make me better for the marathon in Novemeber, right?
• I didn’t train for this race: In fact, I only decided I was running it on Wednesday. Sure, I didn’t run that much towards to end of the week so I guess my legs were rested, but it wasn’t like I was preparing to race a 20K for several months or something.
• I gained some valuable “mental practice.”: I’d be lying if I said I didn’t contemplate walking, quitting, completely giving up, etc. I just kept telling myself that I need to stick with it. It reminded me of some bad patches in matches when you opponent is on fire and, if you stick with it and don’t tank, they’ll eventually come down from cloud nine/winner city. It didn’t really turn around, I didn’t get some wonderful second wind, but I tried not to let myself not give myself that chance.
• I got a loaf of bread:

Why, yes, that is a pig with a ballet tutu with a crown holding my loaf of bread. I mean, come on, when I saw her (she is unnamed) in Target, I had to buy her!

• I ate at least 5 Dunkin Donut munchkins within 5 minutes of finishing: = winner in my book.
• I spent the whole weekend with my family. Need I say more?

I think the moral of the story today is this. Sometimes I perceive racing as all about heart, guts, wanting it, digging deep, and pushing yourself, but what I learned today that its also equally about using your brain (and common sense) to give yourself the opportunity to use your said heart, guts, etc etc.

So, I’m hoping whenever my next race is, I use that grey and white matter between my ears more wisely than today.

Ok, I have a 5th set between Tsonga and Fish to watch….

So, TELL ME: What is they key to a good race for you? Mine is clearly not being an idiot, which is what I was today.

Until next time…

 

 

 

 

I Hate Tempo Runs

I know I just wrote last night but I need to write this for cathartic reasons. It will be whiny, read at your own risk.

I really hate tempo runs.  I really hate them. They are terrible. And I can’t do them right to save my life.

So, as I mentioned last night, the ol’ RC’s sched said 2-3 miles at faster than MP by like 10 sec/mile. I fully planned on doing all 3 but my legs felt trashed this morning so I decided to start with 2 and see how it went.

Here’s how it went: TERRIBLE

The first of the two miles was exactly at MP at which point I just stopped dead in my tracks and was thinking “Why do you suck so bad?!?” and then immediately though “What are you doing? Why are you stopping? Who does that?”

After standing there for a hot sec, I was thinking “now you’ve ruined it – you aren’t even achieving the objective – why are you so terrible at tempo runs?!?”

The average of the two miles ended up being about 5 sec/mile faster than MP so I guess the 2nd one was faster but I mean this whole workout doesn’t even really count in my mind because, I mean, I’m not a running guru, but I think stopping in the middle of a tempo run pretty much nullifies the whole effort.

I felt very much like a running Marat Safin:

Racquet abuse at its finest - Marat Safin.

I love Marat. Tennis is not the same without him.

Now, if I wanted to make a list of excuses of why today went horribly, it would go something like this:

• It is super humid and I was sweating off most of my intravascular volume in about 5 minutes.
• I was supposed to either take yesterday off or run 30-40 min easy and I ran 5 mile (>40 min) with Erika sort of easy. Social runs trump all in my world so I don’t really care if this sabotaged today.
• I ran in the am which I never do.
• My legs felt terrible. From what I don’t know.

I think the real reason is the following. If you read last night’s post, which is much better than this one, I went on about how I didn’t really think I was going to have it today. So, essentially I went into today with a bad attitude. Regardless of how I felt physically, maybe it would’ve gone a little better had I had a better, more “I can do it” attitude towards the whole thing. They say (whoever they is) that your actions follow your thoughts — so I guess mine did. So, I guess I need to change my thoughts.

I am now going to eat a picky bar and gets some iced coffee and all will be right in my world in about 5 min.

However, I’m so exasperated with myself, I want to bust out the ol’ thigh slap.

I know I write pretty much exclusively about my mental running non-gameness, but that’s what running is for me – a bunch of mind games.

Alright, people, I must go – your thoughts on tempo runs are appreciated.

Until next time…

My Greatest Running Accomplishment

That is the question I’m faced with my friends…

I’m being filmed next week for some Nike research (sorry, you won’t be seeing me on TV promoting Nike) and before they come film I have some “homework,” if you will, to do for the research team. [FYI: my friend is an "EKIN" for Nike, which is how I got asked to do this]

Homework. No problem. I got you on homework, Nike. As long as I get some free shoes.

ATTN: I wear a size 8.

Nike (or rather their research team) is asking me what is my greatest running accomplishment?

You think that’d be an easy question, right? Well, for overthinkers like me, its not.

Is my greatest running accomplishment finishing two marathons with my 2nd one being a lot better than my 1st?

Is my greatest running accomplishment some of my PRs? And which one to choose?

Is my greatest accomplishment becoming a runner at all? Considering I, umm, avoided running like the plague for the first 23 years of my life?

Nope, I don’t think any of those are it.

I’m not sure if Nike will like this, but, I think, my greatest running accomplishment is overcoming my own doubt.

On a side note, the movie Doubt was very good.

When I explain how I got to where I am today with my running (training for a 3rd marathon, getting an RC, reading running books/blogs/articles, being a total running freak, but, obviously, admitting this to no one so you have to forget you read this – obliviate!), I have to explain that the whole thing was a gradual process.

First, I had to be convinced I could actually run. I doubted my ability to “be a runner” for a long time. I know that sounds crazy, but, back in the day (ok, like 2 years ago), I thought I was anatomically or physiologically incapable of running (farther than, like, 3 miles, that is) which is why it was so dreadful for me every time I tried it. It turns out I just had to slow down and stick with it for a little bit.

Then, I had to be convinced I could actually run farther than I thought possible (I famously said that if Lance Armstrong found a marathon hard, I’d never do one) for me. Sure, I had run 5 miles with my bud, Erika, but 10? 13.1? 26.2? I didn’t think that was possible for this girl.

"Omg if Lance Armstrong said a marathon was hard, I will never do one EVER." Add that to the list of lies told by Meggie. On a side note, notice the world's smallest stride I am taking.

And, finally, the last doubt, the one I still have is my ability to run fast (fast being relative, people). Overcoming that one is still a work in progress, but I think I’m getting there.

Realizing that I can squash that little doubting Thomas in my head that says “No, you are a slow jogger, Meggie” has happened a few times…

A depiction of St. Doubting Thomas by Caravaggio

Like the time I did mile repeats for the first time and went up an asked someone “Excuse me, but is this track actually 400 meters?” because I had just run a 7:45 mile and didn’t think that was humanly possible for me. [And, of course, I asked 2 people for verification, just in case the first person was wrong.]

Or the time I thought my watch broke in the 2010 Boilermaker because there was definitely no way I had run 1:18:36. And then kept tapping it like “Why aren’t you working, watch?”

Or like the times I’ve thought I definitely couldn’t do another 1000 repeat. And somehow I did and it was faster than the last.

Or like last weekend when I realized that if you just throw logic to the wind and let go of negative thoughts in a race, you might surprise yourself, even if you were convinced it would go poorly because “you hadn’t really been training for it.”

Yes, I think overcoming my own doubt is my greatest running accomplishment.

So, I hope that’s ok with Nike and, if not, well, then I’m sorry, Phil Knight.

I'm jealous of how much money and Nike stuff he must have.

Now, as I write this, I do feel like somewhat of a liar. I’m running a race tomorrow and I’m doubtful that I can run it “fast” because “its shorter so that will be a lot harder.” Result of chronic overthinking syndrome, which I am highly afflicted with. And, just so you know, I’m turning those thoughts into “this is a fun opportunity to see how fast you can run and it is what it is and you will go to 16 Handles tomorrow regardless.” Yeah, opportunity, I like that.

So, people, tell me, what is YOUR greatest running accomplishment?!?

Spill it.

And did anyone pick up the Harry Potter spell in this post?!?

Until next time…

Rust Buster

I went to a track by myself. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!? I don’t like to be “seen” running in Knoxville (by anyone I know that is) let alone at a track, a place where “real runners” congregate.

Nevertheless, I made a little adventure down to UT’s track today for a little workout of sorts. Thankfully, not a soul in the vicinity except for a cheerleading camp. Those poor girls…I could write a whole blog on the waste of time and torture that is cheerleading camp. (Bad pic below, but hey best I could get)

Matching Soffees. Matching Ribbons. Enjoy standing out in the sun all day learning cheers and chants you won't use.

Anyways, back to the topic. So, I do a little warm up around UT’s campus…a mile or so. Then, I take myself to the track, checking again that NO ONE was there, to start my little self- prescribed workout: 3 x 1 mile at however fast my little ice cream fueled legs could take me. FYI: recovery in my world is however long you feel like — a few min, 10 min…doesn’t matter today.

FYI 2: I picked this one because I did this exact same workout the week before the Boilermaker last year and I really surprised myself at that race…and I’m very superstitious…obviously, I had to do this one again as a good omen or something.

A take off like a bat out of hell, as I usually do, and 600 m into the first mile decide I am definitely out of shape.

Mile 1: 7:34 —> actually not so bad for me (remember people, been rocking the 10 min/mile lately).

However, immediately upon finishing that mile, I’m bent over, sucking wind, hoping I don’t throw up. Awesome.

Mile 2: 7:46

During the 2nd one, I was pretty freaking sure I was going to throw up. I actually don’t care if I throw up, but I just don’t like the reaction it gets from other people. Thankfully, I kept my morning picky bar down. I’m still bent over when I finish, sucking wind, and, now, questioning if my legs are shaking or if that’s just my imagination.

I did throw up after this race (4 miles), but I PR'ed by like 2 min so it was totally worth it.

Mile 3: DEATH 8:02 –> ehhhh, not so good. Pretty sure I dropped a mile in the marathon at that pace.

The whole time I was just yelling (not verbally) to myself “DO NOT STOP RUNNING YOU LAZY ICE CREAM EATING FOOL.”

After the first 400 I considered breaking the last one into 2 800′s because I was hurting pretty badly. But, I think at least, you don’t get better at anything if you aren’t just a tad bit uncomfortable sometimes. Whenever a workout or run gets kind of tough, I always tell myself “the harder it is today, the easier it will be tomorrow.”  And, to get through this last incredibly painful mile, I just kept telling myself “if you push through this pain today, it won’t be so bad the next time.” (Surrre, it won’t.) Not sure if any of that makes sense, but it works for me.

I could be pretty discouraged by today because the last mile repeat workout I did (and it was 5x1mile) before the marathon was faster and felt MUCH easier. And, the one I did last year before the Boilermaker had each mile at around 7:45-7:50. I figure you can look at this two ways:

1. You apparently just suck, Meggie. You didn’t even get any better than you did this time last year and, in fact, it was worse. What is wrong with you? Go wallow in self pity and return to a life of leisurely jogging.
2. This is just a rust buster and it will get better from here on out. And, not too shabby considering the leisurely jogging lifestyle you’ve been living lately. Keep it up, self. Be excited about how much better you can get from here. Go self [pats self on back].

I’m gonna go with option #2 (for this minute, at least). Why? Because I think its the right and more mature approach to take. And, wallowing in self pity isn’t exactly the way to build yourself up before a race or just for anything in life in general. And, lets be honest, life will go on if I don’t PR in another race or not (although, it is a nice feeling).

By my 2nd repeat, some UT track people were down there. Thankfully, they were “throwers” so I didn’t have to worry that I was in their way or anything AND by making friends with them, I got a free water bottle. SCORE.

Friendly Throwing Coach - thanks for the free bottled water, dude.

I guess since there were “real track and field” people there, I felt compelled to act like one myself. I don’t know what came over me…the track and field spirit, I guess.

I looked like a crazy person doing hurdle drills (I mean, they were sitting right there, willing me to use them), those foolish looking skipping drills we always did at tennis and some that I’ve seen in running articles (any help on what you should ACTUALLY be doing here is appreciated), some strides, and some core stuff while I watching the friendly throwing people spin madly around and throw a heavy ball on a chain. I can’t believe I’m admitting to any of this. Pretend you read none of that.

Of course, I broke the cardinal rule of eating 30 min within a workout and ate, like, an hour and a half after my workout. Ooops.

And, I bought some of these guys to eat later tonight:

YESSSSSS

Perfect post-workout food, don’t you think?

Living the Dream

My mom says she feels like she’s living with an invalid or something as my daily schedule now is consisting of the following: wake up, watch Wimbledon while eating a picky bar and coffee in bed, leave bed to run, run, eat, change clothes or shower (typically not the latter), return to bed and watch more Wimbledon, go to Sonic Happy Hour at 2 pm + maybe help my mom with some stuff, return to bed, rise from bed to eat dinner, eat fattening dessert, return to bed to watch trashy TV or read.

I am truly living the dream.

Why would I leave my glorious perch?

My mom and sister want to know if  I also need to be turned every several hours to prevent bed sores. Don’t worry, I get up just enough to prevent those. Sacral decubitus ulcers = no bueno.

[I could've posted pics of ulcers here, but thought I'd spare you all.]

Some people might call this excessive laziness or that I’ve taken my staycation vacation too far. I don’t think so. I burn the candle at both ends most of the year and when I crash, I crash. Not thinking and not really doing anything is a welcome change. And, come mid-July, its back to the grind. So, I should enjoy it while I can, right?

On another note, let me tell you what a difference a day and a few degrees of humidity makes in terms of running. Yesterday I ran 6 miles, averaged 10:09 pace, and hated my life the whole time. I even repeated a 3 mile segment twice just so I wouldn’t have to run on any big hills. I was completely expecting today to suck just as bad and I was pleasantly surprised that it was, in fact, enjoyable. I ran 7 miles including all the “big hills” and one mile was even at 8:52. [Yes, I am aware I run very slowly most of the time - queen of the leisurely jog these days.]

My question to anyone who reads this is - does this not defy all logic? How can I not run on Tues, have a run on Wed that sucks, and then have a run on Thurs that should be harder, but is way better?!? Shouldn’t Thurs be terrible and Wed not? I’m telling you, its not logical.

But, whatever, I’m going with it. Today was an awesome run. High five self!

Tomorrow I will have to arise from my perch for a few more activities besides eating and running – getting my nails done (it will be very taxing, but someone has to do it) and going to the Taylor Swift concert with my sister.

At the Miley Cyrus GMA Concert - so worth getting up at 5 AM. Yes, we're 25 and 23 years old.

My question to my loyal readership is: WHAT COLOR SHOULD I GET FOR MY NAILS?

I know, these are the tough decisions I’m making these days. For the record, I’m getting my nails done (but not my hair did) for a shower I’m hosting Saturday. My dress is a orangey-coral so I think this kind of takes out my usual clambake as its an orangy-red (that would look weird right?). I was thinking of getting a light green or light blue that Essie has been rocking these days, but I don’t know if that’s too radical for Knoxville (TN).

Love myself some Essie nail polish.

So, people, I need your input…get to it.

Sometimes I question my sanity…

I had the good intentions of getting my run in early today before it got to hot.

But, then, I started watching Wimbledon…

King of the All-England Club

Serena was playing Marion Bartoli. And, I just couldn’t stop watching until the match finished. Serena was giving Bartoli a good run for her money in the 2nd set and, to be honest, I thought Serena was going to pull it out in the breaker and then win the 3rd.

On a side note, I have a love/hate relationship towards Serena. I think she’s a complete bitch and a bad sport and I’ll tell you why:

#1: When I was in high school, my friend and I got player’s entourage passes from our coach at a pro tournament in Miami (at the time called the Nasdaq 100 — not sure who the title sponsor is now). [And, if you're wondering how we got those, my coach's brother is Paul Annacone who, at the time, coached Tim Henman, but now coaches Rodger Federer -- no biggie.] Anyways, Serena wasn’t playing that day and she was hanging out in the player’s lounge. My friend and I asked to take a picture with her and she was pretty rude to us. Kim Clijsters = extremely nice, which is why I’ll always be a Clijsters fan.

#2: A few years back, Venus beat Serena in the finals of Wimbledon and her post-match, on-court interview gave Venus no credit. I mean, this is her SISTER. Usually, when Venus beats Serena in a final, she’ll at least say, “I’m happy it could be my sister that won.” And, once, I remember Venus taking pictures of Serena after Serena beat her in the final of the French. I know Serena’s competitive, but at least show a little sportsmanship.

Now, as far as Serena’s outburst at the Open against the linesjudge — yeah, that was wrong. But, Serena, honey, we’ve all been there at that level of frustration, so that doesn’t bother me quite as much.

Reminds me of Bon Qui Qui -- "I will CUT you."

The one thing I DO like about Serena is that she’s a baller. Seriously, she’ll be down match point and go for an ace right up the T. And, she’ll make it. She doesn’t back down, she always goes for her shots, and she doesn’t give up. So, she’s a good person to emulate tennis wise, besides the attitude, and, for that, I love Serena.

And her outfit is actually somewhat traditional this fortnight…shocking, right?

Anyways, long side-note, back to the running.

Look! I'm flying! Clearly, this is near the finish as usually I'm shuffling.

Seriously, sometimes I just need to be told what to do to save myself from myself. I didn’t do a long run this weekend because Saturday I slept in, just didn’t feel like it, and played tennis instead. Sunday I did start running, with the intention of running somewhere between 10-13, but at 6 miles these huge, black clouds came rolling in, and, I’m sorry, getting hit by lightening is not worth a long run for me.

Ok, they weren't THIS ominous...but close.

So, I settled for six and told myself I do 10-13 tomorrow, depending on how I felt. I got up early (ok, no really early 8 am, but I’m on vacation from school) and started watching Wimbledon as I ate a little something (ok, fine, it was a picky bar). MISTAKE. I couldn’t pull myself from the TV until almost 11 am because I just HAD to watch the end of Serena’s match.

So, I started running a little after 11 — waiting until almost the hottest part of the day. WAY TO GO, MEGGIE. It was hot, humid, and hilly…pretty much how every run is here (TN). I got in 10 miles, but it took me FOREVER. I stopped for water a lot and just stopped in general a lot. However, one thing I did not stop on was THE GINORMOUS HILLS, which I’m pretty proud of, as most of the time I give up and walk at some point. [pats self on back].

But, seriously, I averaged like a 10:09 pace. I guess that’s ok considering the heat, humidity, and the hills — the terrible trio of Hs.

Oh well, its still like 1000 calories of running and I will be using that to justify my ice cream tonight, last night’s ice cream, tomorrow’s ice cream…..

Anyone have any flower + word ideas that I mentioned in my last post? Just curious…

Alright, back to Wimbledon…

Smile! Unattractive Brightroom Photos

I don’t think I’ve ever had one attractive race photo. Brightroom either gets me really far away (sometimes thankfully) like on Sat:

…where I am definitely stopping a few steps before the finish line. Yeah, it was that painful.

Or look like a hot mess:

["Mommy, help! This is too far!"]

Or look like I’m barely moving, which is somewhat disturbing to me:

[Shortest Stride EVER! Yay! I win something!]

I mean, it appears as if one foot IS marginally moving in front of the other….maybe by 5 cm.

I have found ONE cool photo…both of my feet are off the ground.

[White girl has mad ups.]

But, mostly, the Brightroom photos AREN’T keepers.

On that note, I’ll leave you with what Courtney told me at around the 5K marker on Sat (she ran the first 5K with me).

“Meggie, I am not running faster, you are running slower.” -CLM

In my head, I was laughing, but I couldn’t waste my precious lung reserve on that.

On Saturday, I will be 3/4 of a doctor. I hope this doesn’t scare anyone…

Pie in the Sky

I struggle with goal setting. Here’s why – I tend to think that with enough hard work I can do anything. Yet, when it comes down to it, I’m too much of a realist to actually believe I can achieve that pie in the sky goal.

Let’s take my most recent marathon (of all 2 that I have done) as an example.

I set a goal way, way back when (ie sometime last fall) that I wanted to try and qualify for the Boston Marathon, which would be a 3:40 marathon. Last October, I ran a half in Central Park at pretty much the exact pace I would need to run a marathon in to qualify. Being the idiot I sometimes am while also aided by endorphins, I though “jeah, you totally got this!” (I stole “jeah” from Ryan Lochte whom I follow on twitter and l.o.v.e.)

So, I signed up for the NJ Marathon in hopes that 1) I would spot a NJ Housewife and 2) I would BQ (just joking on #1…kind of).

I trained pretty hard (at least I think so, I mean, as much as you can while also being a med student), but as it got closer to said very very very long run, I got less confident that I was actually going to be able to do it.I think its because I realized that when I tried to run my “goal pace” on some long runs, it was really hard. Or maybe I’m just a wimp because usually when it comes to races I have to talk myself into racing instead of “just jogging this one.” I’m not sure why that’s so hard for me.

Because I’m incredibly stubborn, I still started with the 3:40 group. I held on to them until….16? I’m not so sure…all those middle miles kind of blend together and all I was thinking about was getting to the next mile marker (and yelling at Bruce to get my water; I got to sound like Kris Jenner for a lot of the marathon going “Bruce!!!”).

I finished in 3:48:03. To pat myself on the back, it was a pretty good improvement from my first marathon (Feb 2010), which I finished in 4:09:59. Don’t worry, I celebrated accordingly (and used it to justify anything I wanted to do for the next week). But, it wasn’t my “goal” so I was kind of…disappointed.

In retrospect, I think 3:40 was (and still is) my goal, although maybe my expectation when it came to race day should’ve been different than my goal. So, maybe from here on out , I should keep my ridiculous goals, realizing that I may not get them on the first go round, and then set an expectation closer to the day of what I can realistically do.

It was suggested to me by an extremely good runner far, far wiser than I to set 3 goals: an A, B, and C. Kind of like a “holy shit I can’t believe I did that goal,” a “that was a good day goal,” and “that went alright” goal. I think that may be better than setting an expectation, as expectations seem, to me, to have a negative connation. Like, if you don’t meet them, you really didn’t do so hot.

Sometimes, I wish I didn’t like to set goals and could just float through life happy with whatever comes my way. But, then I guess life wouldn’t be as fun and I probably wouldn’t be where I am today.

Anyone good at the realistic goal setting thing? Is there such a thing as a realistic goal or should they all be kind of unrealistic so you work hard…

Or maybe I just think too much…